Doing something, like making a website to get yourself the job you want is no easy feat. It takes moxy, guts, and you have to believe in yourself. It wasn’t until I started constructing this together that I had a moment realizing that perhaps my blackness was hindering me subconsciously in some way. For starters, I had hesitations about sharing my love for ATCQ in my About section because- what if a white person came to my page and didn’t “get it”. I quickly had to remind myself, I have no tolerance for folks like that, nor do I wish to work with them in any capacity.
I want to always be seen as a human first. Sometimes, that comes at a cost of not delivering a full expression of who I am as a black woman. I have to bear in mind through, that this is a disservice to not only myself, but any other black woman who comes across this and feels prompted to dim their light for the sake of who knows what.
Upon searching for high quality stock images to pair with my blog posts, I found that when I typed in an expression or something relevant to what I was writing about, I RARELY saw black faces. I literally have to search for black women and then scroll. It made me wonder, why black people, hell- why all non white people aren’t normalized in search engine image searches. It doesn’t stop at the racial barrier either. People who may be chronically ill, or considered “disabled”- where’s their space?
It makes me realize the big picture issue that there are billions of people who live on this one planet, in this one solar system. How often do they get to see themselves? And if the answer is not often enough, how does this influence their choices and the trajectory of their lives?
For myself, I feel it subconsciously teaches me to dehumanize myself. I realize maybe that’s why so many of us crave representation- because we literally have to remind ourselves that we’re here too. And we’re more than enough. And that we matter.